Being Thankful… for Leah
Being Thankful for Leah
Thanksgiving is over…
and Leah’s birthday is today. She’s 12! (I KNOW, just go back and watch My First Signs and she will continue to live on as a 4 year-old and we can all just pretend that 12 isn’t happening!!)
The night before Thanksgiving, I was thinking about the things I am thankful for and then I thought that I could probably surprise myself by actually diving into my journals and reading how it really was. I have 10 journals, so I opened one up to see what year and what thoughts it held… The first one I opened was from 6 years ago. The entry written about the Christmas after we shot Signing Time 2 and 3.
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December 29, 2002 – Salt Lake City, UT
Christmas was hard. We had nothing and could give little, even to our own kids. Aaron and I didn’t give each other gifts. Two days before Christmas my dad gave us $200. The next day my sister Julie gave us $200. We were then able to get Leah a bike and a Gameboy. She also got all of her Signing Time wardrobe clothes and the “Leah Doll” – it was pretty humbling.
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After I read that I called Aaron in. I read it to him and we both sat there stunned. We had to think, really hard to even remember that Christmas. The following morning, Thanksgiving Day, I pulled my dad and my sister Julie aside and thanked them for giving us Christmas 6 years ago. Neither one of them vividly remembered helping us out. Just as I didn’t vividly remember the Christmas we really needed help. If it hadn’t been in my journal, would their generosity and our need have been entirely forgotten?
Then I couldn’t stop. Each night I have poured over my journals. It’s been painful. It’s been funny. It’s been an interesting journey, to say the least. My journals are stuffed with concert tickets, notes, postcards, scribbles from Leah, photos, and songs I have written.
I dug deeper in time, reading the details of Leah’s birth and then found this:
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December 10, 1996 – Salt Lake City, UT
… Aaron said, “It’s a GIRL!!!”
I started crying, “My baby, my baby girl!”
Aaron kissed me and said, “It’s Leah.”
Leah Jane Coleman. Leah who was called Anna before her birth. Leah who’d kick my ribs, (and sometimes my heart, it seemed) Leah who pushed against my guitar during all of those shows. Leah who gave me the feeling while singing “In Silence.”
Little Leah Jane whose daddy would run his fingers over my belly and say “Here’s your spider, here comes your spider!” Leah whose heels and knees I could slide around, whose little leg would press out hard as I massaged it. Leah with hiccups- Leah at 1:00AM and 10:30AM playtime.
Leah, who I threw up every day for. Leah who I prayed about and worried about. Leah, who made me what I’ve wanted to be most for years – a mom. My little girl’s mommy.
Leah with me while I hiked in Boulder, Utah. Leah in Bryce Canyon. Leah hiking the Zion’s Narrows. She’s my little girl. My sweet little girl now and for always. I love my daughter more than she may ever know.
It’s 3:20AM and I’m crying my eyes out. You’re here asleep next to me and your dad’s on the other side of you and that’s where we will always be, right beside you.
I love you so much. I love you more than you may ever know, maybe when you have a girl of your own. Goodnight my sweet girl, pleasant dreams. I’m so glad you are here with us. I love you, I love you – I LOVE YOU!”
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I went forward in my journal, looking a year after Leah’s birth to find little bits and pieces. Confused entries about Leah’s hearing. Just a line here and there. Things like:
“We don’t know if she can hear us.”
“She has fluid in her ears, but her pediatrician thinks it’s more than that…”
“We can’t get in for the ABR test for 6 more weeks!”
“Still no answer on Janey’s ears.”
No answers in my journal for months and then I found this:
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March 31, 1998 Tuesday
Salt Lake City, UT
I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so alone in my whole life. I feel like there is no one I can talk to because no one would understand why I’m crying. Actually I think they would misunderstand. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me or for Janey. I don’t want to call our families and tell them what “PK” the audiologist told us today. Half of my tears are simply tears of relief. The wondering and questions are done. A tearful release of 2 1/2 months- fears, hopes, anticipation and prayers.
I know it’s not helpful but I can only blame myself, and it’s eating me up inside. I think that in his heart Aaron blames me too. In only these past few months people have asked if Jane’s hearing loss is because of my band. And playing and practicing while I was pregnant. People ask. Or they say “boy that must be devastating with you being a musician and music meaning so much.” Do they really think I give a S#*! about my music in comparison to my DAUGHTER?
I’d never sing or play another note if it mattered. Music is nothing to me. Leah Jane is my world. She is wonderful. She is beautiful. I feel like the biggest obstacle in her way is me. I don’t know sign language. I came so close to learning it, so many times. But I didn’t. I feel bewildered. But I feel thankful that we caught it as early as we did….
….We may never know what caused it, or if she as born with it. “Deaf” is such an uncomfortable word for me to use. In a way I am glad that I didn’t know when she was born. Maybe I would’ve treated her differently. Maybe I’d be totally over protective. Everyone would’ve treated her a little different. But now I have had 16 months of Janey. And treating her like a regular kid (except that she is more awesome than most kids)…
…I know of 3 people who are deaf. I’ve had conversations with only one of them ever. I hardly know what the term means. I remember the deaf kids in Jr. High and High school. I sure could not tell you any of their names. They all stayed together with their interpreter and I never gave them a second thought.
Severe – Moderate – Mild mean so little all your life. But today, I was told my daughter has a severe hearing loss. And I still barely grasp the concept. But the word SEVERE is clanging around in my brain. SEVERE? What does that mean? And what does deaf mean? Is there a scale to measure it on? If hearing aids help you are you still deaf?
She can sign a few words now. MOMMY, SLEEP, EAT, SHOES, THANK YOU, BIRD. When I teach a sign she always “rolls it and rolls it and sticks it with a B”
She has the most beautiful lips and puckers for kisses. She also puckers when I tell her “NO” because it looks like kisses. How can I keep a straight face when she does that?
When she gets frustrated she hits her head with her hands, or on the floor.
When she’s nursing, she looks up at me then squeezes both eyes shut tight and then pops them open. She nurses, and the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile. Maybe she’s never heard me say the WORDS I love you. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter at all. She probably knows it more than most kids who hear it every day.
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A few weeks ago Leah and I were talking. She asked me how I felt when I found out she was deaf. I told her, “I was distraught. I cried. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was scared.”
Leah smiled at me and said, “That’s so funny mom. You thought it was terrible and now you know it’s not.”
She’s right.
Tags: Aaron Coleman, baby, Birthday, deaf, journals, Leah Coleman, rachel coleman, sign language, Signing Time
December 8th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Happy 12th Birthday Leah! Oh Rachel, it’s always a journey to go back and read old journal entries; things we’d forgotten, gifts of the heart we’d been given.
Thank you for sharing these. I love you dear friend.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Just to clear up any confusion, I never blamed Rachel….
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Happy Birthday Leah! What wonderful memories that you have shared. I know at the time they were not the best of times but its nice to look back and see how far you all have come as a family. I am glad you have share them all with us.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Happy Birthday, Leah! Thank you Rachel for sharing.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Leah –
Happy Birthday!!!! 12 is such a fun age. :^)
Rachel –
Thank you so much for sharing this. We studied so much about things like this when I was in college but nothing has ever touched me as reading your journal entries. What a blessing you and your family have been to so many people. Including me. Thank you.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Happy Birthday Leah! I feel like we should go put on the “Happy Birthday” DVD in her honor.
Thanks for sharing…I’ve often thought about how it would feel to get news like that about your child. And I’ve often thought of you when I watch Mr. Holland’s Opus…another musician with a deaf child. You expressed yourself beautifully!
Thanks for sharing your story.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Wow. It reminds me a lot of how I felt after Triatan’s autism diagnosis. A mixture of concern and relief
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Wow… very touching and rang with feeling for me.
(I’m not actually crying…) :]
Thank you for sharing.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:39 am
HAPPPPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH!!!! {{{{HUGS}}}}
Rachel,
You are so real. I love ya.
Jenn and Brook
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
WOW!
First I want to say to Leah – Happy, Happy Birthday!
Rachel – you literally brought me to tears! I was going through all the same feelings I had with Cole and his diagnosis of CP. Scared to death (trying to figure out how I could help him), unsure of what the future holds (still), wanting an explanation of what they mean by mild to moderate (again, still wondering since he can not even sit or crawl at almost 22 mos), and also the relief of finally hearing some kind of diagnosis so I didn’t think I was going crazy every time I would tell the doctor that it was not JUST colic, there is something different. I too blamed myself (and just ‘knew’ hubby had to blame me too).
I am still unsure if he will be able to completely communicate with us, although he does let us know what he likes and dislikes and understands when wee sign to him. Without you going through your experiences and making such a GREAT product/teaching tool we might not even have this little bit of communication. I hope that some day I can help/touch someone else the way you have helped/touched me, my family and so many others!
Thank you for sharing!
Leanna
http://caringforcole.blogspot.com/
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Happy Birthday Leah! Having you on in my house 24/7 feels like you are truly one of my kids. We all love you in this house!
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Happy Birthday Leah!!!
Thank you Rachel for sharing such a beautiful reflection.
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December 8th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Happy birthday Leah Jane! I’m crying too after reading your blog Rachel, can barely see the keyboard, how touching. Hope you have a wonderful day with your girls. God bless.
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December 8th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
…baby, you found the good!
Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and feelings, and being so relatable to all of us…Moms and daughters alike. Did I read something about a possible book in the future,….I sure hope so because I can’t wait to read more, more more!
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December 8th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Happy Birthday Leah!! What an amazing story you have Rachel. I’m so glad that you took something that was a struggle to begin with and turned it into something so amazing and beautiful for hundreds of people. We’re so thankful for ST and all that you and your family do.
Best wishes to you all in a happy future!
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December 8th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
have a great birthday Leah! thanks for making me ball Rachel! lol
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December 8th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Thank you for sharing that with us! What an incredible journey you have had.
Happy birthday Leah!! (We’re thankful for you too!)
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December 8th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
What a beautiful post. I could relate to so much of it —especially the guilt and the tears of relief of simply knowing.
Happy Birthday, Leah. And Happy, Joyful Birth Day to you and Aaron.
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December 8th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Happy Birthday Leah!!!! I loved reading this post. Thank you for sharing more of your story with us.
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December 8th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
hi there,
i just read your blog and it made me cry, a good cry though. i loved how you, “the signing time lady”, wrote in your journal that you didn’t know how to sign when you found out that your baby was deaf. it amazes me, because you took a great challenge and really turned it around, and changed the world. (at least my world…)
my husband and i are going through some challenges right now and we have to make some decisions that will havbe major effect on our lives and our kids. maybe i will look back one day and know that this made me stronger.
even though i don’t know you personally, i want to tell you how much i love you and your work. you are an example to me and i love watching signing time so much. just today, my husband and i were running around the house singing the “i am on a boat” song.
thanks for all you do,
carolin
Happy Birthday Leah!!!
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Reading the journal entry made me cry! I can relate in so many ways. I love it that you’ve turned full circle and are touching the lives of so many now! Happy 12th Leah!
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Beautiful. You never know how a child will change you.
PS Do you still call her Janey?
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Rachel-
You amaze us all and inspire us in so many ways. We often put you on a pedestal and think of you like a super hero (which you are!) Thanks for the reminder that you are HUMAN too and giving us perspective. With your example I know I can achieve far greater than myself because I see that you have done that.
Happy Birthday Leah!
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Happy birthday Leah!!! We were watching “My First Signs” just the other day and I was marvelling at how much she has grown. But 12! How can it be?
You are clearly blessed to have your sweet Leah Jane. And oh boy is she blessed to have a mommy who loves her so dearly. Thanks for sharing more of your story with us.
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December 8th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
HaPpY BiRtHdAy LEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I was thinking of you the other day wondering what the future will be like when you are older and if you will be singing/signing/dancing around on ST! videos. You have an amazing mom and dad and little sister!
Rachel, THANKS SO MUCH for sharing more of your life. I remember so clearly over 3 years ago the night Joey failed his newborn hearing test in the hospital. The nurse kept saying the machine is very sensitive to outside noice and that she will redo it. He failed the next 2 or 3 times and I was 100% sure he was deaf because a close friend of mine had a dream a few weeks earlier that my baby couldn’t hear. I also had to wait about 6 weeks for the ABR test. Joey was such a GOOD baby and one of my sister in laws told me that was a sign of not hearing. She was lucky she told me over the phone or I just may have hit her…LOL. Well, he isn’t deaf but is non-verbal and teaching sign language has been quite easy THANKS to Alex, Leah and Rachel….our permanent house guests via the DVD player.
My oldest who is 17 1/2, (but was just born like 5 1/2 weeks or so…haha) will be GRADUATING from high school this spring.
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December 8th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Happy Birthday, Leah! And, Rachel, thanks so much for sharing what Leah’s recent response to your journal entry was. I often wonder how my little Calyssa will think of her hearing loss when she hits adolescence; this gives me hope that she’ll just shrug it off.
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December 8th, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Rachel, you’re such a sport for sharing your journal with us. Thank you for letting us in on these beautiful, tumultuous times in your life. Happy Birthday, Leah!
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December 8th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Wow…12.
I think I said this before, but to me, she’ll always be the little girl at the CHIME lunch table who realized I couldn’t follow her classmates’ signing (I was just asking their names but boy did they go fast) and slowly and deliberately told me her name was L. E. A. H.
12. Unreal.
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December 8th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
As my daughter finishes off her nap in her room, I read your old journal entries and it brings me back to when I had my little girl, Adelyn. Oh, did I cry. It’s amazing what we go through and so little we remember but I think deep down, we remember and it makes us who we are today. Happy Birthday to Leah. I cannot imagine my daughter being 12 one day but it will happen! So I’m making a point to enjoy each moment I have with her. I too journal but I must admit I only get to write once every three months if I’m lucky.
Rachel, just a heads up, I sent an email to info@singingtime.com on a product idea. I don’t know who checks the email but hopefully it’s something all of you will like and will look into doing. Hope you have a good week!
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Happy Birthday, Leah!
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December 8th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
This is exactly how I felt about my son’s PDD-NOS (autistic spectrum) diagnosis this summer. I felt so alone and terrified. There are days and weeks I don’t remember, just numbness. Now he’s doing so well, it’s hard to imagine how hopeless I felt just a few months ago.
Thank you for sharing with us.
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH!! (Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birth-daaaaay dear Leah, Happy birthday to you!)
Rachel–this is the first time I’ve been to your blog, and what a great day to do so! We are big fans of the videos and I look forward to reading about what’s coming up next.
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December 8th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
What wonderful journals and what a wonderful tribute to your daughter.
Happy Birthday to Leah.
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December 8th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Kei: I was sucked into reading journals for over a week! Twilight didn’t even compare. (Love you too)
Aaron: I guess that’s the thing about journals. I get to say how it is for me. I KNOW you don’t blame me.
April (Salisbury8): We have come far. It’s good to be reminded.
Leah burst into tears when she opened her cell phone tonight. I think she might repeat that at X-mas because of you.
JacksMommy: Leah will be reading these comments. She will get your well wishes!
Erica Michaelis: I was more than a little concerned about publishing something SO personal. You have all been VERY kind.
Melody: I can tell you, I have received that “news” twice and it wasn’t easy either time. But it really was the beginning of something new and unexpected.
Navi: I was surprised that I wrote about relief.
Matt: You didn’t cry? LOL, I love that you put that in the comment!
I can try harder next time. Watch out! (Would you tell me if you did cry?)
Googsmom: I’m just a mom, bumbling along. Hoping to make a difference.
Leanna: It’s true I don’t think there is a parent out there who sets out to mess up their kids. We just want to see them ShInE don’t we.
sandi: I just wanted Leah to be included and when you say it feels like she is one of yours, I can’t think of a better example of inclusion.
Kristen: You are welcome.
Jannie: I will start adding “Caution, Proceed with Kleenex” warnings.
We had a wonderful day!
Anita Phares: If allowing a peek at a few pages of my journal was THIS confronting, I might have a full blown anxiety attack when the book is complete. Yes, there is a book in the works. (breathe Rachel, breathe)
Sally: Thanks Sally, as you can see it has not been all singing, all smiling and all signing all of the time, but I hope I am always moving forward.
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December 9th, 2008 at 12:38 am
michele23: She did. You are welcome
Geneve: I’ll keep sharing, as long as I’ve got something to share.
I love that you comment on my blog, G. Hope you liked the bath stuff.
Niksmom: Guilt, tears and relief- PERFECT
Our birth day was great.
Stacey: Thanks. There is so much more to share.
Carolin: Your comment made me laugh, yes there was a time when The Signing Time Lady only knew her ABC’s in sign language. She learned them when she was a Brownie (age
in Girl Scouts.
Hang in there. Best of luck to you on your journey!
Mel: Life IS good, good is great!
sonja: We still call her “Janers” sometimes or LeeLee. I had forgotten that we called her Janey.
Jaclyn: Yikes! There is only one way down from a pedestal my friend. Super hero, I am not. I do believe our kids make us bigger and better than we know ourselves to be.
Lori: I agree, 12? 12? HOW?
She IS a great kid, you are right. We are blessed.
Steph: Ahh! Those moments in our lives are lines of demarcation, aren’t they?
Thanks for saving us a guest room in the DVD player.
Julie Southern: Leah doesn’t define herself by her deafness. She sees it as one of the aspects that make her unique. YOUR attitude about Calyssa’s hearing loss will be one of the models for how she will view herself. We have celebrated Leah’s deafness and Leah loves being deaf… coincidence?
McMama: You are welcome. I even lived to respond to comments… this is good
Jennifer: She had skipped a grade so that she could go to CHIME for Kindergarten. She was 4 and as far as going out of her way to be understood and help others understand… she hasn’t changed a bit.
Rebecca: After reading through some of my journal entries, Leah and I
agreed to write weekly. Every Sunday we will write. I had taken almost 4 years off! I like to think my blog, covers some of it. Though blogs are written with readers in mind, journals are not. At least mine weren’t.
Cricket: Thanks!
Anne: I wonder if it is a universal experience. When we found out Lucy had spina bifida I said, “This is EXACTLY how I felt when we found out Leah was deaf!”
Trope: I am glad you stopped by AND commented on your first visit! With so many content to lurk, I applaud your stepping out!
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:34 am
A bit belated, but don’t want to miss out on wishing Leah a happy birthday!! Have a great time being 12!!
Rachel, I admire how open you are about your thoughts and feelings and this story has made me all emotional at this time of night. Love you and your family and am grateful that you are part of all of our lives.
xo
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December 9th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Wow. It made me cry. I can’t believe she’s 12. 2 years ago she was 10.
I can do simple math. LOL
I can’t think of anything to say except, “Happy Birthday!” Well, that and I meant to post this comment yesterday.
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Malcom, my son, has autism and he is starting to really vocalize after seeing some your dvd’s and listening to your music. He is turning 5 and we are moving to Indianapolis to do some intense Verbal Behavior therapy at a center there.
But, what i wanted to say, is i am really excited to see that your life blended your gifts so nicely. Your love of music, and your daughter and your sincere dedication to helping her and so many children by doing so. Your life is a great example of following your heart…. and I love to see your photos when you were struggling and know that for many of us, its hope that we too will blend the gifts that our children are trying to give us and the ones we were born with as unique and individual human spirits, all being part of the one….
Blessings.
Heidi
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. Happy belated 12th Leah! It was through you Rachel that I have learned not give up on my child with special needs and that he too will Shine and make developmental gains when he is able. Because of my son I have also started local support groups for my area for families who have special needs children and also for children with special healthcare needs. It has been so nice to be able to give back to my community and receive support. All of this has been inspired via your strength in your life! Hey by the way did you see us on Discovery Health???
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Dear Rachel and Leah, Happy Day of your birth! Thank you, thank you, thank you Rachel for opening up your heart and sharing your journal with all of us who read your signing post. Next week my son, Gabriel, will celebrate his 10th birthday. When he was born, we had no idea that he would suffer from a seizure disorder that has impacted his ability to speak, to think, and even to move like the rest of us. Yet he is so much more than his disabilities. He is full of love and light and gives many gifts by his sweet personality and presence. I am thankful for the community of parents in SLC who gather together to cry, laugh and celebrate their wonderful special children.
And Leah, thank you for reminding all of us that disabilities are not all that scary. You are a whole human being who is not defined solely by your “deafness”. Thank you for all the time and energy that you give to the Signing Time videos. From you, we are all learning to reach out and communicate in ways we never have dreamed before!
Love, Michelle, mom of Gabe
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
12 years? Holy cow, and happy birthday, Leah.
It’s hard to imagine what it’s like being in the shoes of Leah or Lucy or Rachael or Aaron, but I can tell you that you’re all heroes to us.
I remember meeting you at Charlemont, Leah, and while you probably don’t remember since I think you were busy being a kid, I tried in my own clumsy way to sign to you “thank you for teaching my daughter sign.”
It’s been a transformation for all of us and something that we reap the benefits of every single day. Even though Alice hears, I try to double up and speak and sign with her, especially in public places that are noisy, like the food court at the mall last weekend. When we were all done, I gave our table to an expecting mom and her three year old son and his granny. Alice immediately approached the little boy and said and signed, “Hi! I Alice! What your name?” The granny said, “he doesn’t sign.” but his mom interrupted and said, “no – he knows some sign – he watches Baby Signing Time a lot.”
You’re everywhere.
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Can’t believe I missed Leah’s birthday! Happy Belated Birthday sweet Leah, and many, many more!
Rachel, your gifts just keep on giving. The ability you have to touch so many hearts in so many ways is truly amazing. And Leah, you definitely share your mommy’s gift for saying and doing amazing things. You are wise way beyond your twelve years. Thanks for sharing your wonderful lives with us!
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Dear Racheal
I wish there was a way to express to you how much you and Leah have meant to my son Anthony and I. He is 13 months old and every morning he spends an hour with the two of you. From the moment I turn on the tape and he hears the giggles he smiles and can’t take his eyes off the two of you. It’s been a wonderful experience seeing the two of you each morning. Happy Birthday, sweet Leah and know that you influence peoples live every day even at your young age.
Annie Spencer
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December 9th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Happy 12th Birthday Leah!!!!!! My daughter loves watching you on TV!
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December 9th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Wow! Little Leah is already 12! Happy belated birthday, Leah.
Rachel, God gave you Leah and Lucy for a purpose. Your family has touched our lives more than you know. You have given my daughter a way to help her communicate with the world. You have not only taught her communication skills, she has also learned so many concepts from ST, from colors and the alphabet to reading. The list goes on and on.
Thank you Leah and Rachel. Enjoy each other because the next six years will fly by!
Chris
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December 9th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Happy Birthday to Leah! I only wish I had kept a journal when we found out one of our twins, Chloe, had spina bifida. I was 19 weeks pregnant and cried for about 3 weeks straight! Now at 4 years old, I couldn’t imagine life without her. Although she has a trach and has had it for four years( complications with her shunt and Chiari II), she is such an inspiration to me, her daddy, her brother, and her twin sister. She communicates with us through sign language since she has not learned to speak around her trach. It is so hard to explain to others how we don’t want sympathy. Yes, of course, we wish Chloe didn’t have problems, but then that just wouldn’t be her, would it? Thanks for all of your hard work!
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December 9th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this with us Rachel. I can’t even begin to tell you how much you and Alex and Leah have enriched our lives. My son (3 years old) was born deaf and we found out at 2 months. I started learning and signing to him immediately and was so frustrated that he never tried to sign back. Then one magical day he watched a signing times video and it became “cool” I guess because he hasn’t stopped signing since. You’ve given our family a gift that is possibly the most important one we’ve ever received: the opportunity to communicate with our child. Happy Birthday to that beauty of yours and may you all have a blessed holiday!
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December 9th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Happy birthday to Leah! Your poem about snowflakes is lovely. Thank you for sharing it with us. You seem like such a great young lady. You have touched many lives through the Signing Times DVDs and I know you will continue to touch lives as you grow up.
Rachel, you are a wonderful mother to have found a way to help your daughters communicate and succeed in life. You then brought your story and experience to all of your fans and viewers! You should feel very good about that. I can not afford your DVDs but thankfully my sister has them so I can watch them now and then. I have learned a lot of signs with the kids. Have you considered making signing DVDs for adults like with workplace and business?
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December 9th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
[...] cookies in almond milk, while watching Singing Times. (Still the best money spent on the kiddos! Leah just turned 12 this week…Happy Birthday to “Liam” as the builder affectionately calls her!) [...]
December 9th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Rachel–
Thank you so much for sharing your life with the world!! I don’t think you will ever know what you and your family have given us. As I read your journal entries, I actually thought I was reading my own from 18 months ago. My 2 year old son had just been diagnosed with stage IV Hepatoblastoma (a rare pediatric liver cancer) and we were being rushed into surgery and chemotherapy. I was lost—what I felt was beyond grief, beyond fear. And I was 37 weeks pregnant with our second child. We struggled through chemotherapy, surgeries, seizures, worries about money to pay bills, how to love a new baby when my little boy was suffering so…..
Eight months of aggressive chemotherapy has saved his life, but has also caused severe hearing loss and speech disabilities. Luckily, we had found Signing Time on our local PBS station and Connor loved watching it! He learned the signs faster than I could and still remembers them much more easily than I. You have helped us talk to our little boy—he even tells me little stories in sign now!! We are now helping his preschool class learn a little sign language so they van talk with Connor! We are still watching Signing Time (on DVD), and continue to learn, play and talk. All this because of you and little Leah!! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!
Diane
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December 9th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Happy Belated Birthday Leah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rachel, thanks so much for opening you’re lives to all of us. My husband and I adopted our little girl at 9 mos and found out at 20 months that she is profoundly deaf in her right ear and mild to moderate loss in her left ear. I know exactly what you mean by not caring or realizing what severe, moderate, mild, profoundly, etc…. meant before all of this. We were introduced to your dvds by our hearing pathologist and we have never turned back. We tried many tapes, and Tierney never responded to any of them but YOURS. She is now 2 and 1/2 and every morning when she wakes up she ask for “sinin tim” over and over and over. She evens signs it. Her vocabulary has grown tremondously but she still signs more than talks. She asks for the tapes when she’s bored, wakes up from nap, when she comes home from preshcool, etc…… Even when we get in the car she wants the dvd player on. It’s amazing. My favorite is when she says and signs “Choo choo.. woo ooo.” Her fav is zoo train. (mine too) This is my first blog to you. I was so struck by your honesty and complete openness. We have struggled a lot in our quest to have children. None of that seems to matter anymore. We are truely blessed by her. You and your family have become part of our lives on a almost daily basis and we don’t even know you personally. HAHA!! That is amazing. You have touched our lives so much. THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU.!!!!!!TANYA
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December 9th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Thank you for sharing. God works in so many ways…ways we don’t know or understand but usually make us stronger. Your struggles and triumphs have touched so many lives through the development of Signing Time. My kids have no hearing imparities but LOVE signing time. I’m inspired to keep teaching them so they learn that there is no reason to be fearful of deaf individuals (or anyone else)…they too are God’s creation. Many blessings to Leah on her 12th birthday.
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December 9th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Happy Birthday Leah!!! You are such a cutie. Your mom and dad did good.
Rachel you are so the bomb. Thank you so much for sharing on an even deeper level than your presentations. I just love you! See you next year in Klamath Falls, Oregon.
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December 9th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
I can’t believe Leah is 12!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I have loved watching you grow in Signing Time. Thank you for all you taught me. I really struggled with sign language but you taught me a lot even before signing time. Rachel i love your blog, it is so inspiring. I feel like I know you so much now. I just wish we lived closer. Your stories make me cry, they are so touching. You have been through so much yet you have used it all to inspire others, thank you.
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December 9th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Birthdays are the beginnings of more than we can ever realize. I do think the “aloneness” of becoming a special needs parent is pretty universal. I often wish the person I have become today could go back and have a good long chat with who I was then. I know I was feeling very alone when I stumbled onto Signing Times videos and heard “The Good.” Not only did my daughter gain language, I gained a role model who was one “kick-a mom” who wasn’t buying the pity party or martyrdom role people kept trying to give me. I could and would smile again (once I stopped bursting into tears at the end of each video that is).
To think none of this would have been possible without that little bundle in the picture who is growing into a beautiful young woman. By sharing your family and your talent, you have reached out and changed so many lives. Best wishes to Leah from one little girl and one family whose future was changed because of her.
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December 10th, 2008 at 12:34 am
I ordered The Happy Birthday signing time video and it arrived yesterday (3 days too late for Penny’s birthday but thats okay), we watched it and I thought to myself, “I wonder when Leah’s birthday really is.” Wow! It was yesterday!
Happy Birthday Leah!
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December 10th, 2008 at 2:52 am
Happy Bday Leah!! I am so happy to read about you and your family in your Mom’s blog. This gives me hope for the future. My daughter Lily has severe hearing loss in one ear and mild to moderate in the other. We are told it will be a progressive hearing loss eventually leading to severe loss in both ears. She is delayed but right now she does know “more” and hope to teach her alot with your videos!
Karen
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December 10th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Wow, Rachel! Thank-you for sharing your very personal journal entries from that time! You inspire me! I know what it is like to find out hard news like that. My little Hadassah was diagnosed with down syndrome at 1 year old. I went through the emotional roller coaster too. My journal entries are filled with things like yours! What was always most important to me was clarity on where God’s heart was toward us during it!
Hadassah is now 6, mainstreamed first grade and is doing great! Along with Ambrotose, therapy, dance, gymnastics, piano and swimming lessons – you’re journey helped us help her. She started watching your Signing Time videos at about 2 years old and her communication skills went through the roof because of your ministry! She loves you and she continues to watch and I continue to collect your videos — they are all over our house! Thank you!!! Someday I will blog about it as you have done here!
May the gifts of heaven continue to bless you!
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December 10th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. You have helped me with all three of my girls. Starting five and 1/2 years ago when my husband’s grandmother handed us an article from her Redbook magazine. I’m so grateful for your tenacity to turn this struggle into such a wonderful blessing to so many. I tell everyone who is expecting a new little one about your family and usually let them borrow a few so they can see what a difference they make. My now 19 month old insist on “Signing Times” every morning while her sisters get ready for school. I love that you have created a way for us to communicate with them so clearly from such a young age. It has made all the difference in the world.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAH!!
Ann
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December 10th, 2008 at 11:50 am
My children have all been raised on signing time. My 4 year old boy is accused all the time of being so inteligent and I have to admit that it wasn’t me that tought him his ABC’s. It was Signing Time. I have shared it with my mom and sister as well as my six sister-in-law’s and two of my brother’s-in-law. We all have children around the age of 2 and they are all learning to sign ‘long before they develop speech.’ My two year old waited a long time to start talking and as soon as I introduced her to ST she started signing and even started talking. Now she puts three or four words together and she is able to let me know what she wants with signing. She also knows all of her colors and most of her ABC’s. It is amazing to see how quickly they learn when they are introduced to the right environment. I am so glad that you had journal entries and that you turned your little Leah into a miracle instead of something bad. Thanks.
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December 10th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Thank you for sharing. My daughter (now 26) has a moderate hearing loss and wears hearing aids. She has gone through much with people calling signing ‘that thing with your hands’ or people (well meaning, I know) wanting to ‘heal’ her. She is currently working on an Early Childhood Education degree and her goal to teach deaf children. She thinks of her hearing loss as a gift that will enable her to accomplish her goal. I too threw up every day during the early part of my pregnancy and I often wondered if that contributed to her hearing loss and her learning disabilities. As our first child (the oldest of 6) we didn’t clue into the hearing loss until she was in 5th grade. She just learned to compensate. When I think of how different her life could have been if we had noticed sooner… but then she might not have had her passion for teaching.
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December 10th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Rachel,
I am sitting here bawling at your story. I have a 14 month old who L-O-V-E-S his Baby Signing Time more than anything. He actually was able to tell me that his teeth hurt this week (he’s teething). OK, what he told me was that his ear hurt, but when you are 14 months the distance from your molars to your ears isn’t very far!
Robert has been blessed with all 5 of his senses, but your entry made me remember what it was like after he was born and I had terrible post-partum depression. I was sure that there was something I had done to make this terrible thing happen. I’m glad that we both can know now that sometimes these things just happen, and that wonderful things can come out of them.
I don’t know if you fully grasp how many people you have touched, because of Leah’s “disability” (if you want to use that word). BST is such an intregal (sp?) part of our house and daily routine. The CDs (we only have 1&2, but I’m hoping Santa will bring Robert 3&4 for Christmas) will entertain him for hours in the car, and when he’s had a bad day he will crawl over to the TV, point to it, and then sign “baby” with increasing speed and enthusiasm until I get up and go put in a BST DVD. He signs “eat” “more” “dog” “all done” (a lifesaver!), “hurt” “ball” “banana” and “drink” (which he does wrong, but i know what it is). All the other moms I know also have the DVDs and use it with their kids, and I can honestly say that you have made more of an impact on my child’s life than anyone else he hasn’t ever met.
He absolutely loves you.
So, this is a very long way of saying Thank You to you and to Leah, and to Alex and Hopkins. If you are ever in Pittsburgh, PA, know you will be among friends. Happy Birthday to Leah, and let’s have more Baby Signing Time!!!!
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December 10th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Wow has it really been that long?! Happy 12th Birthday Leah!!
Rachel, thank you for sharing. I think that many of us parents who have received “news” about our children feel relief, alone, grief, blame, frustration and confusion. But through sharing our stories we give support and comfort to those who are just beginning their journey. So, thank you for always being so willing to share your life and your children with the world. You and your family have touch my life and the lives of my children. I am eternally grateful! There have been many times when my son (who is Deaf) has been approached by another child eager to use the signs they’ve learned from signing time. It’s always nice to be spoken to in your native language. Thanks again for all you do.
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December 11th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Happy Birthday Leah! We feel like you a apart of our family! We started signing time about 4 years ago with our grandson(he can hear but has trouble with his speach),he is now 6 years old. He is learning by watching Signing Times,we all are!
Thanks and God Bless You!
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December 11th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Hey Rachel and Leah! Firstly, happy birthday! I am a huge fan and my twin daughters are too. Both have become amazing communicators via sign and I credit you both. You are doing a wonderful thing! Congrats on your new babies Rachel. Twins are another amazing experience! Enjoy it!
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December 11th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Hi Rachel~ I chatted briefly with you and the gang last night. I am 2 hours ahead (EST), so I pooped out suddenly.
I felt so many of the feelings you expressed about your and Aaron’s love and concern for both Leah and Lucy—the fear and panic when a pack of professionals tell you something about your child that just sends you into a tailspin. I remember when Charlotte’s preschool PT told me that she believed Charlotte was struggling with ataxic CP. My mind went numb and I said, “Uh huh. Uh huh. Ok. What do I do now?”
Driving home was torture that day because my eyes were full of tears and I was wondering how to explain this all to my family. And what does “Ataxic Cerebral Palsy” mean anyway? I have pulled the blankets over my head a few times, but like you say, you cry and then you get up and get on with life.
Charlotte is the love of my life, and we were meant to be together in this world. She is an amazingly happy and energetic child. She challenges me and her “staff” every day, but that just confirms my belief that there is a strong will and a happy “soul” that needs to be encouraged in order to flourish.
Signing Time has helped us immensely. I don’t know if she will move beyond the speech plateau she has reached, but my decision is to radically ramp up the ASL or both of us.
Cheers!
Michelle & Charlotte
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December 16th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Hi Rachel…
I guess I’m a little behind in checking my blogs….life keeps sending me other things when I want to do stuff
We had our BAER test yesterday….our first ABR told us my son was profoundly deaf in his left ear, and sure enough, this test really confirmed it. We are awash in conversations like “hearing aids probably won’t help, but we can try them” and “they cost $3,000″ and “1 in 7 kids with unilateral hearing loss develop bilateral loss, so it’s possible he could loose hearing in the other ear too”
I am willing to bet that if I look back on this time, when everything else seems to be going wrong, from struggling in my marriage, to finding a new job, finding a place to live, finding a place to belong, dealing with my son’s hearing, all of this in a few years will be a distant memory, and I wont remember the pain and struggle. But boy is it hard to get through it now.
Thanks for sharing your story, and showing that it really does eventually get better.
-Ambulance Mommy
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December 16th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
This last blog entry of yours has inspired me to write to you. I am thankful for Leah as well and for you. Thank you for having the courage to face the most difficult battles in your life head on. Thank you for at the scariest moment of your life looking within and creating a way to make the world around you and you daughter a better place. As a mother, you are a source of great inspiration to me. I have 3 boys 5, 2, 1. My oldest has a chromosome deletion and is non verbal. Our story is much like many others who discovered that there child is “different”. If you are interested, a couple of years ago the following news story was written about our family:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/swift/308755_mary23.html
My cousin sent us your first DVD shortly after we received word of his “abnormal status” since then your image and voice has been a part of our everyday life. He is very particular about what he will watch on T.V. but he loves watching your videos (“My Day” is the current favorite) Our younger children also love your videos and impress us everyday with the signs they have learned. I also am very comfortable with many signs thanks to you, Alex and Leah. I look forward to each new video you make and love to share them with all of our friends and family as gifts.
Life is really good, Thank you for being a part of that good.
-Jill
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December 16th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Oh wow. I don’t have a similar journal entry, because I didn’t journal when my son was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder, but replace a few words here and there and I could have written it. The emotions were the same. I was especially struck with the part where you wrote about having those 16 months with her before you knew.
One of the main signs of my son’s disorder was his cry. He sounded like a little kitten mewing. http://wynonarobison.com/newborn_cry.WAV I had 3 months to fall in love with that cry, and I’ve often felt that if I had known that it was a marker, I would have felt differently about it. Those few months of being his mom with no larger picture were what I held onto when things got confusing.
I love what Leah said, and I hope she had a wonderful birthday. Someday when my son is older, I hope he is as confident and cheerful. What he faces isn’t terrible. It’s different and challenging and a part of who he is. And in a lot of ways, it’s wonderful. Thank you for posting this.
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December 18th, 2008 at 1:13 am
Jackie: Better late than never.
Should I have warned against reading it in the middle of the night? That’s when I read the journals and I too was a mess.
purplewowies: Yes, you can!
Thanks for the b-day wishes
Heidi: Best of luck with Malcom. I do believe that somehow we all find our way.
Janel: There are few things as powerful as making a difference in another person’s life. I am glad you too have found a way to give back!
Michelle G.: Wow, I am not even sure how to respond. You are very, very welcome. Thank you for sharing all of that.
alices dad: “Holy cow” says it all!
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December 21st, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Vickie: I believe you are right. She IS wise beyond her 12 years.
Anne Spencer: I love knowing we are spending each morning with you~
Danielle: Thanks!
Chris: I know it! All too soon I will be blogging that she is off to college.
Natalie Orr: I can absolutely relate. Like you, I never expected to have the circumstances that I have in my life. It is a shocker, to say the least. When I was pregnant with Lucy I remember being afraid to move, knowing her spinal cord was exposed inside of my uterus. There are so many thoughts and concerns that no one can imagine. There is also so much joy and amazement that no one can imagine either. No pity here, my friend. Just smiles of (some) understanding.
My best to you and your babes.
Hetha: Sometimes when children see other kids signing (on Signing Time) they really get that, for lack of a better way to explain it, it is okay. They aren’t alone in signing. They see that many other kids are signing too!
Joan Martin: Luckily we have found that the Signing Time formula for teaching works perfectly for grownups too. There are ASL 101 DVD’s available, but it is not something I want to do, because that kind of stuff is missing the fun! I do hope that our grown-up viewers learn all they can from Signing Time and then look for additional ASL resources in their communities.
Diane Francisco: Wow Diane, it does feel like we are paddling just to keep our head above the water sometimes, doesn’t it. We wonder how we are going to make it, emotionally, physically and financially. I am so glad that Signing Time was a stepping-stone to communication for your family.
Tierney’s mom: Tanya, I am glad you commented. Welcome to The Signing Time Family! It sounds like Tierney is doing great. I really do try to share openly because I think as parents on our surprising paths, we have so much to learn from each other. Some parents of deaf children have told me that seeing Leah on Signing Time was comforting to them, they have a sense that it’s going to be okay for their child. I sought out others who had deaf children, to help me “see” what the future might look like for Leah.
You are welcome, welcome, welcome!
Lisa: It is all about inclusion, understanding, education and acceptance, isn’t it? I am thrilled that your children are growing up with those perspectives.
Lisa D.: LOL I would need 4-5 hours… or maybe 4-5 days to tell the entire story of the Coleman Family. Here I can do it in bits and pieces. I can’t wait to come back.
Janna: Leah has always been a good teacher, hasn’t she? She naturally went out of her way, (even at 3!) to help others understand her. I swear we were JUST living in LA. Where do the years go?
Diane: Your comment had me grinning and even teary!
There was a sense of loss and of hope when I wrote The Good. (sigh) Part of me wants to write a sequel to that song. I probably will.
Katie: Yes, Leah’s real b-day is December 8th.
Karen R: There was a time when they thought Leah’s hearing loss was progressive as well. (Sometimes that is just because of the basic unreliability of results when testing toddlers) I remember being so horrified that she might be in the process of losing what little hearing she had. I remember thinking, “If she was completely deaf, it would be an easy choice to use ASL with her.” I didn’t fully understand at the time the incredible benefits of communication through signing no matter her hearing level.
Rebekah Garvin: I admit, when I wrote this blog entry, I sat on it unpublished for a few days. I read it and re-read it, wondering if it was just a REALLY bad idea to share these journal entries with any and everyone. As I read it I could see how far we have come as a family and how much I have learned. The contrast though, from then to now is just… remarkable to me. I am glad I wrote it then and I AM glad that I shared it now.
Ann: Wow, you’ve been with us 5 and ½ years? That is very cool. I love imagining just how many children are growing up with Alex, Leah and Lucy in their homes.
Thank you for continuing to share us with others.
Mandi: I believe that when we believe in miracles and look for miracles, we see them.
MomMac: Oh, boy, don’t I know, we could “what if” ourselves to death and it wouldn’t change a thing
Sounds like everything worked out perfectly! She was bright enough to compensate and she found her passion. I think that’s pretty good parenting!
Elizabeth: It must be natural to first blame ourselves…?? I wonder if that is part of the process? We never did find out why Leah was deaf or if she was born deaf or if it happened in her first year. I believe she was born deaf, especially after watching home videos of her as a baby. There was a lot of psychological and emotional freedom for me when I stopped looking for the answer or reason for her deafness. With or without reason, she was deaf. Finding a reason wouldn’t change it.
Sariah Price: When we were making the first Signing Time video I hoped the result in Leah’s life would be less staring and more interaction from the children around her. It worked! I am glad your son is getting that result too.
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December 29th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Hi Rachel – I stop by periodically and fully admit to being a blog lurker. I just had to comment here to thank you for sharing so much of your story. I am an interpreter working in the public school setting and am stunned by the number of families who don’t strive to communicate with their children. It is heartbreaking to see these young students going home every night to parents who don’t share their language. God bless you for your advocacy and determination to see Deafness not as a disability, but as an enlightening difference. From another perspective sign language has been wonderful in our home, too. We have a little girl (now 2 1/2) who joined our family through adoption at 12 months. All of her language foundation was foreign to us…though we tried so hard to learn some of the basics so we could at least say “I love you” in the language she was used to hearing. We started signing with her right away and she used her first sign less than two weeks later on our flight home from China. Incredible! She’s got a HUGE vocabulary now both in English and in ASL and we are so proud of how well she communicates. What an amazing blessing our children are. Thank you for using your gifts and talents to share with us all your love for your children and all children. You’ve touched so many!
Beth in WI
http://www.heut-n-holler.blogspot.com
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December 29th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
P.S. Happy Belated Birthday Leah! You look so grown up!!! Next year, officially a teenager…YIKES!
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December 31st, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Jim and Patty: Yeah for signing grandparents!
Karen Pinto: I WISH those babies were mine
At least I get to borrow them.
mmfrench: we might get caught in a tail spin, but we do straighten out eventually.
I’ve crashed and burned a few times… not pretty, but totally true. When Lucy was 1, Aaron came home and I was curled up in a ball on the floor and just couldn’t function. I couldn’t do it one more day. It was more than I could bare, imagining doing all I was doing for the REST of my life. Thankfully I have Aaron and he took over until I got my head on straight again and remembered I really only need to handle one second at a time.
Ambulance Mommy: It DOES get better. It really does.
Jill: You are welcome and you are right. It IS good, isn’t it.
Wynona: Ah yes, there were tell tale signs with Leah, quirky things we just loved and then looking back could kick ourselves for not NOTICING. We live and learn.
Beth: I LOVE lurkers
Thanks for sharing and congrats! I can imagine what you see as an interpreter and having to sit by and simply interpret rather than whack a couple of people over the head 
Takes true restraint! My respects
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March 11th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Great story! Thank you for sharing. I think you are an awesome mom, who is extremely strong woman. My respects as well.
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