Wishing It Was Different
Leah has been lamenting the fact that she does not have an older sister. She talks about this often and has even told me all of the things that she and her older sister would do if this older sister actually existed. Of course this sister would help her with her homework, play games with her, they would be best friends!
OK – reality check! First of all, she does not currently have an older sister. And funny how she has the idea that this dream older sister would do all of these things that Leah, who IS the older sister in this family, doesn’t actually do with her little sister on a regular basis.
I explained to Leah that she might want to consider all of those things she wishes her big sister would do and actually be THAT big sister to Lucy. Be the dream sister!
We have what we have and we don’t have what we don’t have. Seems obvious right? Isn’t it crazy how much time we spend wishing things were different than they are? We all do it. We wish we had a different job, car, house, relationship, weight, height, age – the list goes on and on. What if we loved and accepted our job, car, house, relationship, weight etc. What on earth would we talk about?
August 8th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
Yes, I know EXACTLY how that is, but we are blessed to have what we have. If we are without something it is for good reason and not meant to be. I am the oldest sister. I used to wish I had an older sister instead of the 2 older brothers that I got. Instead, my little sister and I were the best of friends and I lived with the fact that I never got to have the older sister I wanted. To this day my sister and I are still really close. Wanting to have the “dream” older sister is one thing, but BEING the “dream” older sister is the best! Hoping Leah finds the greatness in being that wonderful older sister!
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August 8th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
So true! Whenever my kids start the “that’s not fair” blues, I remind them that God placed them into OUR family ON PURPOSE, birth order, birth defects and all. It’s always a good reminder to myself too, about looking at “greener grass.”
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August 9th, 2007 at 5:45 am
All the world over there are little girls that would LOVE to give their big sister to Leah. I know my little brother would have been ecstatic if he could have gotten rid of me.
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August 9th, 2007 at 6:27 am
So true, so true. The grass is always greener in the other backyard. We must all take inventory over the things we think would make our lives better. And do as the sincerity prayer suggest.
“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”
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August 9th, 2007 at 6:40 am
I can understand what Leah means. My sister is 3 years younger than me. Growing up, I always wished I had an older brother. Erica (my sister) and I were never really close growing up. She was always the “annoying tagalong” everywhere I went. Not because she wanted to be with me, but because she wanted to be annoying…at least that’s what I thought. We did have our moments though, when we would laugh so hard together our cheeks hurt and we were exhausted afterwards.
It brings a smile to my face and in my heart when I think about those times, and I wish we had more of them. Erica lives 6 hours away, which leaves me missing her and wanting to spend even more time with her. When we do get together nowadays, it’s just like old times, reminiscing about our childhood (which incidentally went by WAY too fast), and laughing all over again, until our cheeks hurt and we are exhausted!
The way I see it is this: if you realize what you have now, that’s going to leave you plenty of time to make cheek-hurting, exhausting, laughing memories when you are adults.
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August 9th, 2007 at 8:44 am
I too agree, there are many times I catch myself thinking “what if”. Thank you for the reminder to be happy as we are.
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August 9th, 2007 at 9:29 am
I think you’re right – we always want what we don’t have
I am the youngest, but I always wanted a baby sister – I never got one though 
I think that if I had, things would probably have been different than I imagined they would be anyway 
I keep wishing I had a baby sister for Kelsie and Brady, but that isn’t in the cards for us. I think I’m going to take your GREAT advice and love what I have 
Thanks!
p.s. it’s a little thing really – but I nominated you for a Blogger Reflection award. You guys just inspire me every day
Thanks!
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August 9th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
When I find myself wanting something I don’t have, I look to see what it is about that thing that’s appealing. Most times, there is some imagined “benefit” or quality like being more liked by people, having more freedom, less responsibility, or feeling loved or happier somehow. Usually you can look closer to see what you’re REALLY after.
In Leah’s case, she not only has overcome and dealt with a physical disability, she’s a standout among regular mainstream students AND stars in her own TV show. On top of that, she is a sister to someone who requires a lot of care and attention. And as a Deaf child, Leah wants to show she is capable, and doesn’t want to need extra attention. Tricky dynamic there.
It’s typical in families with kids without disabilities for the oldest child to take on more responsibility and envy the youngest sibling – the center of attention. I can imagine it is challenging for Leah because in addition to being the youngest, Lucy NEEDS more attention because her body can only do so much.
Perhaps attention is what she ultimately is looking for and maybe doesn’t want or know to ask for it directly? The question is what ways could you address that? Like you said, being a better sister to Leah is one option, another option is finding a mentor or teacher (not Mom) that can spend some time with her personally. The other thing to emphasize with her is to ask for help and love when she needs it. You don’t always have to be strong or overcome all the world’s battles or prove yourself.
Half of the problems in life come from denying ourselves emotional needs… Sometimes all it takes to diffuse an upset person is to ask the question, “Are you okay?” or “What do you need?”
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August 18th, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Hello! I saw your show when we were on vacation in PA, and I was INSTANTLY RIVETED. I came home and found that it’s not available in our area yet, but I ordered a DVD, a board book, and a set of flashcards, and I’m hoping the show will be available near us soon.
When I was younger I badly wanted an older brother and an older sister so we could play house and I could always be the baby (that was the favorite role at my house). I thought they’d play with me all the time. Then I made a new friend, and she actually DID have an older brother and an older sister, and all they did was tease her and complain about having her around. Very enlightening.
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