But, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I was a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and an infant, and I was CRAFTY! I know, you can’t believe it can you? I was a scrapbooker and even before that, I was a quilter!

Fabric is a great medium and when I chose to make one of my very first quilts I went with a motto that seems to come up often in my life as I embark on brand new adventures- “Go Big or Go Home.” (sort of like when I decided to run a marathon as my first race)

My first quilt was a king-sized, tumbling block design and I didn’t know enough about sewing or quilting to actually work smarter, not harder– meaning I sewed EACH piece together (those of you who sew, know to sew in strips when you can and you are cringing on my behalf, aren’t you) Here is my very first quilt, made in 1996 when I was expecting Leah.

Don’t get too impressed. It’s still NOT finished. It’s only the top, and I am just about ready to hire someone to create a back and finish the thing for me because it is 15+ years-old now. (Any takers?)

Perhaps I bit off more than I could chew? Perhaps??? Realizing that, I moved on to smaller things… Baby quilts! I completed a whopping three baby quilts before I took my own advice and I let the Quilters quilt.

In 2008 I had an idea. When I went to Ghana, Africa the second time I purchased fabric while I was there and when I came home I made three baby quilts. These three quilts are actually finished (gasp) and are NOW available for your bidding pleasure on ebay. All funds will go to The Signing Time Foundation for our upcoming trip to Ghana, so go bid wildly. Just click on the quilt you want and you’ll go to straight the eBay auction! These auctions end on January 12th and we leave for Ghana on January 13th.

Yes, these really are handcrafted by me, Rachel Coleman. Talk about limited edition, I’ve now made six baby quilts and one giant unfinished quilt in my entire illustrious quilting career. What a career! Happy bidding~

There are only 11 days left before we take off to Africa, if quilts aren’t your thing you can still “join our party” by making a tax-deductible donation to The Signing Time Foundation. You can also chip-in here: (If you don’t see the chip-in widget, just hit refresh)

Or if you are weary of on-line donations you can always pop a check in the mail:
The Signing Time Foundation
c/o Ghana 2012
870 East 7145 South
Midvale, Utah 84047

I know that going third world is not for everyone, so how about we let the travelers travel and the givers can give.
~Rachel Coleman

When I saw them it broke my heart because I really believed that their parents just didn’t understand deafness. I judged those parents. I assumed that the parents were looking for a quick fix to something that in my opinion didn’t require fixing. I said things like, “I would never do THAT to my child.” Aaron and I talked about giving Leah choices and we decided that she could choose to have an implant when she was age 18.

We think that Leah was born profoundly deaf. We didn’t discover her deafness until she was 14 months old. When her deafness was diagnosed we immediately started signing with her. It seemed the obvious choice, I mean, she was deaf. We never bought into the old wive’s tale that signing would delay our child’s speech. Many people warned us that Leah might never learn talk if we signed with her. I always laughed and said, “She’s deaf, she might never learn to talk anyway!” My concern wasn’t for my child’s ability to say words. I wanted much more than that! I wanted full connection and communication with my daughter. I wanted her to be a critical thinker.

When Leah was seven she was no longer using hearing aids, because, as she put it, “They don’t work! They don’t help me, they just make my ears itch.” She had gone without amplification for a few years and then, at age seven, my daughter asked for a cochlear implant.

Let’s just say there were a few things I had to get over… oh, like realizing that some people out there might judge me, just as I had been so judgmental of others. (Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Don’t you hate that one?)

Leah has now been implanted for seven years, the same amount of time she had gone without hearing a thing.

I have found that one of the BIGGEST misconceptions still floating around when it comes to choices in deafness is in thinking that sign language and cochlear implants are mutually exclusive. They are not. Actually it is our family’s experience that Leah’s success with her cochlear implant was because she was already fluent in American Sign Language* when she got her implant AND because we have continued to sign with her. We never stopped signing. (*She was also already fluent in written English by that time)

When someone receives a cochlear implant there is a period of adjustment as the recipient begins to understand the sounds of the world around them. It was invaluable to us to have a full language (American Sign Language) to communicate with Leah during this new learning period. We had full and complete communication as our child experienced the sometimes scary world of sound. Yes, our ENT told us to stop signing immediately after Leah’s implant surgery, which was baffling to me. “She just had major surgery and you want us to refuse to communicate with her through recovery? Her implant won’t be turned on for weeks and you want us to stop communicating with her?” To me that sounded like a form of child abuse. We never stopped signing with Leah and we never will stop.

Leah is a very successful implant recipient, we feel that these are a few of the factors that helped her to use it so successfully.
1. Leah chose to have an implant, it wasn’t something that was done to her. She was old enough to control the settings and she was old enough to ask to be “re-mapped” when she was ready for more sound. We viewed the implant as another tool to help Leah communicate, not the only tool.

2. Leah was already bilingual when she was implanted. She understood ASL and her written English was exceptional. She was reading beyond her grade level. With the addition of her cochlear implant she could simply focus on acquiring and improving her listening skills and pronunciation, because now she could actually hear some things. She wasn’t trying to learn English with her cochlear implant, thankfully she was already fluent in it and her focus was entirely on learning what English sounded like and how to make those sounds herself.

3. We always focused on our child’s strengths. Prior to her implant, we did not do private Speech Therapy. Why? Simple. Because Leah couldn’t hear:) We didn’t need her to learn how to say words in order to connect and communicate because we all learned to sign. Speech is a skill that your child has a lifetime to acquire.
Speech is not a language. Speech is one way to deliver a language.
English is a language, American Sign Language is a language, but speech… speech is a skill.

You want your deaf child to learn their first language before the age of 3 if possible. If they can’t hear, don’t waste your time and theirs trying to get them to learn a listened to, spoken language. Since Leah couldn’t hear English we didn’t try to get her to learn it through speaking. She learned it through reading and writing.
(If your child is deaf please read #3 until it makes sense. Do not get stuck with the thought that you “just want your child to talk.” Trust me, you don’t just want that. You want so much more for them!)

4. Language doesn’t delay language. The fear of signing is ridiculous and thinking that a child will not talk because they first signed is as preposterous as saying, “don’t let your child crawl or they will never learn to walk.” Babies crawl before they walk and they sign before they talk. If your child has the ability to deliver a spoken language, they will acquire that skill whether or not you sign with them. If they happen to have a speech delay or a disability that gets in the way of speaking, then thank heavens you are signing with them and giving them a way to be understood. If your child’s speech is delayed, it is not the signing that delays speech… it is something else entirely, because communication doesn’t delay communication.

Technology frequently changes and even fails. Cochlear implants can be rejected by the recipient. The implant may fail or simply never work at all. Batteries die and parts break. Programming can accidentally get erased. Sign language will never fail, the batteries will not die, you can use it while swimming, you never have to “turn it on” or struggle to locate it in the middle of the night. Sign language can get soaking wet and it’s always at your fingertips.

Leah will always be deaf. Her first language is American Sign Language. She has learned English as a second language through reading and writing. With her cochlear implant, Leah has learned how to pronounce words and to understand English when it is spoken to her. She is a child who has it all.

If you are considering implanting your deaf child, my recommendation is this – do not put all of your eggs in one basket. Give your child EVERY opportunity to communicate. Give them many tools! Cochlear implants do not work for all children, implants are not always successful and should not be portrayed as a “cure” for deafness. Similarly, hearing aids do not work for all children, they are not always successful and should not be portrayed as a “cure” for deafness. You might want to consider that deafness doesn’t need a cure.

Leah recently saw her ENT, the same one who had asked us to stop signing with her seven years ago. He asked her this time if she would like to implant her other ear, since she only has one ear implanted. She looked at him and said, “Tell me what you think that would really do for me?” He smiled and said, “actually not much, you do so well. Leah, I think you should save your other ear for the future. There are some exciting medical advancements that you will see in your lifetime.”

My two cents: Sign language should be the first choice for a deaf child, no matter what additional options you pursue.

Here it comes! I am staring down the barrel of September and October and you know what THAT means… It’s Down Syndrome Buddy Walk Season!!! Yes, it’s time to celebrate and fundraise and meet and sing and sign with the many families who love someone with Down syndrome. Around here, my kids just say “good-bye” to their Mama every weekend. I wish there were more weekends in September and October so that I could actually accommodate all of the requests I receive each year. (Note to Buddy Walk Organizers, we are ALREADY getting requests for 2012)

At each event this year I have created a “Team Signing Time!” for our fans who may not necessarily know anyone who has Down syndrome, but who would still love to participate and see a Signing Time event in their area. If you are coming to a Buddy Walk for a Signing Time performance, PLEASE register for The Walk and participate, I guarantee it will be an experience you will never get over. One Buddy Walk organizer told me that their registrations went up 20% the year they had me perform, that’s good news for everyone! So yes, you are welcome to attend and participate, plus I’ll have tattoos and stickers for Team Signing Time and we’ll take a Team Photo together.

Here are the Buddy Walks and Awareness Walks were you can find me this year:
Sept 10, 2011
UDSF – Utah Down Syndrome Foundation Buddy Walk
West Riverfront Park
South Jordan, Utah
8:30am Buddy Walk Registration
10:30am Performance by Rachel Coleman
11:30am Buddy Walk
Click HERE to join for Team Signing Time! in Utah
*Be sure to say “Hi!” to Leah and Lucy at this event!

September 24, 2011
National Down Syndrome Society Buddy Walk
Great Hill in Central Park, NYC
Registration and activities begin at 11:00am
Walk begins at 12:20pm
Click HERE to join Team Signing Time! in New York City
*Look for Aaron, Rachel, Leah, Lucy AND Laura at this event!

Fox Cities Wisconsin Down Syndrome Awareness Walk and Pre-Walk Activities
September 30, 2011
PreWalk Event (I’m speaking and sharing my family’s story… bring kleenex)
Perry Hall, UW Fox Valley, Menasha
Time: Doors Open at 6:30pm
Presentation Begin at 7:00pm

October 1, 2011
2nd Annual Fox Cities Wisconsin Down Syndrome Awareness Walk
Down Syndrome Association of Wisconsin
Riverside Park, Neenah
Click HERE to join Team Signing Time! in Fox Cities Wisconsin

October 2, 2012
Greater Toledo Down Syndrome Association Buddy Walk
12 p.m. – 4 p.m.
Rocket Hall, University of Toledo
Click HERE to join Team Signing Time! Toledo
*Toledo’s Buddy Walk site is back up! REGISTER NOW!

October 15, 2011
Down Syndrome Association of Northern Virginia Buddy Walk
Bull Run Regional Park in Centreville, VA
8:00am – 2:00pm
Click HERE to join Team Signing Time! NoVA

A few things you may not know… We have been donating products to Buddy Walks since 2003. My very first Buddy Walk appearance and performance was for the Down Syndrome Association of Northern Virginia Buddy Walk in 2006. Two weeks later I performed for the Manasota Buds in Bradenton, Florida.

Last year Signing Time partnered with The National Down Syndrome Society. We donated over $9,000 worth of Signing Time DVDs and products to Down Syndrome Buddy Walks across the country in 2010 by offering a free Signing Time Gift Set to every Buddy Walk that was officially registered with NDSS. This year, we are doing it again! Every Buddy Walk that is registered with NDSS can get one free DVD gift set (just pay shipping). The set includes Leah’s Farm, The Zoo Train, and The Great Outdoors, as well as the accompanying music CD to use in their raffles, silent auctions, or to give to a family in need of communication. It’s one per Buddy Walk, and all they pay is shipping. Have your Buddy Walk organizer visit www.signingtimefoundation.org/buddywalk by October 31st.

DVD Gift Set for each Buddy Walk

So, while you are all taping fall leaves to your front windows and carving pumpkins… I’ll be taping orange and blue electric tape around my fingers because around here THAT is the first sign of fall.

2010 NYC Team Signing Time

2010 Massachusetts Team Signing Time

We didn’t own a stroller and we had no interest in getting one. Leah was comfortable living out of her “pouch” and experiencing the world closer to our eye-level rather than from the compartment-like stroller. We wore her through the streets of Boston, on a ferry to and from Martha’s Vineyard, and on the subway in New York City. She snuggled up against us in Los Angeles, at the beach, and most everywhere we went. Aaron and I marveled at how cumbersome those adventures would have been if her main mode of transportation had been a stroller.

Marthas Vineyard 1997

When Leah was fourteen months old we found out that she was deaf. In dealing with her diagnosis I felt all sorts of things, but one thing that I felt was a bit of satisfaction—satisfaction that my child had traveled that first year with the comfort of her mommy’s or daddy’s heartbeat nearby. Even if she couldn’t hear it, she was always close enough to feel it. She took in the world visually from her “perch” even though she was missing everything auditorily. She could see our smiles, feel our kisses and she had the confidence of feeling safe in our arms. We wore her that way until she was over three years old.

Our daughter Lucy was born prematurely at thirty-two weeks gestation and weighed 4 lbs 11 oz. She was born with spina bifida, and on top of that was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at nine months of age. The prospect of Lucy ever mastering walking was slim. I already knew that we could easily postpone the loading and unloading of a wheelchair simply by carrying Lucy in a sling, though I had no idea how far we would end up taking it…or her.

Lucy is now eleven years old and weighs fifty pounds. She is four feet, two inches tall and yes, we can still be seen wearing her. It’s not for the comfort or ease of it any more—quite the opposite. Carrying Lucy is a personal mission and always a personal triumph. We are an active family and I guess we just refused to live within the limitations imposed by a wheelchair. We travel. We camp. We hike. We go to the beach. Many of the places we go are out of the way, and the roads we travel are unpaved. Aaron and I knew that leaving Lucy at home wasn’t even an option that we would consider. Yet surrendering to a life where so much of the world’s natural beauty would be unavailable to us because an inconvenience like spina bifida wiped out our child’s ability to walk, seemed unfair to us all.

Aaron and I decided that we would become strong enough to carry Lucy. We would take her off-road, beyond the pavement where waterfalls and natural arches and hoodoos can be seen. We would be her legs. We take her up slot canyons, through coniferous forests and bring her almost face to face with moose. I have pointed out wildflowers and taught her their names as we‘ve hiked to lakes in Glacier National Park. She’s seen the mud pots and geysers of Yellowstone, and yes, she has seen the waterfalls too. In winter, when she was invited up the canyon for a snow day, I wore Lucy on my back as we tromped through snowdrifts that were thigh high!

Back in 1996 when I slipped little Leah into a sling and adjusted it so she was safely against me, I never imagined that I would be wearing my children for the next 15 years. I never imagined carrying a ten-year-old and having that child thank me for doing it as she takes in nature’s beauty. People still stop and stare, that hasn’t changed. Strangers and friends ask, “How long will you keep carrying her?” and I don’t have an answer. Honestly, I don’t know. I just know that I will carry her as long as I can.

Here are some photos of places we’ve carried Lucy. Each caption has the year, and since Lucy was born in the year 2000, the math needed to figure out her age is pretty easy.

Aaron Lucy and a Moose 2005

Aaron and Lucy in Moab 2008

Mammoth Hot Springs Yellowstone 2009

Uncle Toms Trail Yellowstone 2009

Goblin Valley Utah 2009

Hiking through Albion Basin 2010

Big Cottonwood Canyon 2010

How We Carry Our Eleven-Year-Old
We use a number of different packs and we are continually making modifications. Originally we carried the girls in Over The Shoulder Baby Holders. Now we have a custom Baby Hawk, we call it a Lucy Hawk, a Deuter Kid Comfort III, an Organic Ergo Baby*, and an old framed Kelty pack. Any time we see a pack that looks useful we get it especially if it’s rated for a child weighing 50 pounds or more.

*The Ergo Baby Carrier was given to us for free by the good folks at ErgoBaby. All of the other carriers listed were purchased.

I’ve said it before, books like “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” were not written for me. I don’t think they covered fetal surgery in there. Their follow up, “What to Expect in the First Year” was also a total FAIL in my life. There should be a line of parenting books called, “Hang On For Dear Life!” or “When You Least Expect It… Life is Going to Come Along and LIFE You! (So Expect It)”
Okay, okay those are just working titles. The bottom line is when you have one of those kids that meet NONE of the milestones it can be… oh let’s see, where should I start? “Exhausting” is the first word that comes to mind, followed closely by “frustrating” and “disappointing.”

One of my children wasn’t talking or babbling by age 1 (because she was deaf and we hadn’t figured it out yet) and one who… sat up for the first time at age 3. Took her first steps at age 4. Can move a small game piece around the board without knocking everything over at age 10!

But hey, we get to celebrate and we do celebrate the little tiny things that other people might just miss or take for granted. Nothing is tiny around here. Every accomplishment just about brings me to tears, or at least gives me material for a new song:)

There’s this thing that happens, a sense of loss, like I’m giving up on something, for example~ Lucy’s first wheelchair. I cried! I cried and cried! It was an adorable KidKart! Really adorable and functional but, it was moving my 2 year-old from an unassuming stroller to a handicapped device. She wasn’t going to blend in any more. I felt like I was giving up on the possibility of her ever walking. (Why so personal Rachel?) I wasn’t giving up at all; she has spina bifida and cerebral palsy. Perhaps it’s just watching the future I thought I was going to have, clearly change course.

First Set of Wheels

I had a similar feeling when we found out that Leah was profoundly deaf and we realized that ASL would be best for her. It felt like we were giving up on the possibility of her ever learning to speak. So crazy! Why couldn’t it occur that we were giving her a language that she could be successful with? And why was it still about ME?

It has to be some default reaction, some programming or wiring… and the bottom-line is it most often feels like- “oh, they aren’t going to be like me?” Like I have got it so good? “Just like me” is the benchmark? Silly.

I thought I would start a new category here on my blog: “Unanticipated Milestones” I’ve heard from many of you recently dealing with those first wheelchairs and first hearing aids. Hey we just got our first accessible bathroom installed in our home and a few other cool things, that I never thought I would grow up and have, let alone need.

So, to celebrate: here is the bathroom renovation! I wanted it accessible, but not ugly or sterile looking. Aaron did the whole tear-out and moved all of the plumbing, he put it all back together again, installing a pocket door and painting. The guy is a rock star. He did not set the tile, grout, or mud and sand, he wanted to make that clear:) Also I didn’t take a good “before” picture, but imagine white laminate counter top across the entire wall, and an industrial utility sink… classy, I know.

He is NOT afraid to use that

He takes it down to the sub-flooring, has taken the toilet out… and is tearing into walls. Was I nervous… nah.

Who needs a toilet anyway?

Down to the studs? What a stud!

Wires and pipes and splinters oh my

Is that a blow torch? I had no clue we had something like that!! Does it work for crème brulee?

I was beyond impressed at this point

Photo shot through the new pocket-doorframe. You can see the new sub-flooring and all the plumbing is ready. I for one think it takes a brave man to move a toilet! (And a brave woman to let him)

Putting it back together again

Accessible sink and painted wall. The electric outlets have been moved. Aaron changed the light switch to a rocker panel, and he moved and lowered its location so that Lucy can reach.

Installed the sink to work with Lucys wheelchair height

Tile backsplash around the sink.

And the end result! TA-DA!

Lucy now has a place in our home where she can wash her hands… Oh the things we take for granted.

Bathroom Renovation Design for Lucy by Brian Clark Designs

Yes, just a few years ago- Alex, Leah, Aaron, Derek and I (plus a few more) were in Ghana, Africa working and playing with deaf children there.

Did you know I have another blog? Yep, I kept a journal of both of my 2008 trips to Ghana. So, in your spare time hop on over there and have a looksy and take a box of tissue with you.

Those trips to Africa still impact my life. There was a part of Ghana that inspired me to stop being such a consumer. I became painfully aware of the bags of garbage versus the bags of materials to be recycled that we took to the curb each week. We began recycling more and started buying less packaged food and more real food.

In Ghana, all of the students were so lean and strong. (hungry?) They do chores early in the morning. They walk to school. They study and play soccer. They carry buckets of water on their head’s without using their hands. If you are “soft” it is because you are wealthy. Your soft because you can afford to be fat, where most cannot. Let’s just say I was tired of looking wealthy and knew that if that wasn’t enough to motivate me, I have a daily reminder that someone else was depending on me being physically strong… Lucy. I changed my eating habits, my physical exercise habits and health habits. I began my personal “1 pound per week challenge” which is how I ultimately lost over 30 pounds that year. Sometimes when I am on my treadmill, I try to imagine what the Ghanaians would think of it. I imagine they would be baffled at the idea of people running on treadmills or lifting weights in a gym. For some reason, that makes me smile. On the days I don’t want to run, I just think of my cutie in her wheelchair and I tell myself not to take anything for granted… On those days I say to myself, “Rachel, run because you CAN!”

Before I went to Ghana I often found myself looking around and feeling that there wasn’t enough _______. (fill in the blank) Or we didn’t have enough __________. Coming home, I was no longer complaining about what we didn’t have, quite the opposite! I was suddenly embarrassed by how MUCH we had, even though nothing had changed except my perspective. We cleared out excess clothes, shoes, coats and toys from our closets and we donated them.

I still receive emails from our friend Marco and I’m proud to say that last year The Signing Time Foundation helped pay for part of his college tuition in Ghana.

Going to Ghana also pushed my adventure limits. Nothing like eating unrecognizable food,

having nowhere to wash your hands and “showering” with gray well-water.

There were giant spiders that came out at night.

A chorus of goats and chickens and taxis honking throughout the night. There were tearful braids and men with machetes.

And of course… of course there were crocodiles and a broken paddleboat.

My performance schedule for 2011 is too full to go to Ghana this year, I really do not have a ten day window available. I am working with Signs of Hope International to confirm a date for 2012. Signs of Hope is always putting together groups of volunteers to work in the schools in Ghana, you can also help from home, by donating to help pay for a deaf child’s schooling.

Overall they are a cool group doing a good thing.

Well, this year you TOTALLY want my Christmas card!!

WOOO HOOO!!  Yes, you can get on the Coleman list and get a Christmas card from us!

Well, 200 of you (in the U.S.) can get one… the rest will just have to settle for receiving it via email which is in total violation of my personal Christmas Card policy, but oh well.

REALLY TRULY I have Christmas cards this year and not only am I going to get them in the mail… (wait for it)…

I am putting them in the mail BEFORE Christmas.  I promise! (Yikes! I just promised!)

Come on, this is BIG!  My last official Christmas card went out in 1996 the year Leah was born. That’s FOURTEEN YEARS ago! You see certain comets more frequently than you see a holiday card from us.

Ya know, I think I can handle this whole Christmas card thing, I’ve set my own standard. I’ll just send out Christmas cards every 14 years. I can handle that.

Happy Holidays!!
~Rachel

P.S. Mom, you really ought to put your name and address in here so you get a Christmas card from me. I know, I’m lame. But, I’m okay with it.
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It turns out The Coleman Christmas Card List was THE list to get on this year. We blew through 200 entries before I got Lucy on the bus this morning. I’m sitting here at the kitchen table licking envelopes and putting the stamps on. (I know you thought “my people” were going to do this for me… how many times do I have to tell you I don’t have “people”) so yeah, you even get the bonus of my saliva. (shudder)
Hugs to all of you who missed out… even better than hugs, here’s a “stocking stuffer” to get 15% off your order at www.signingtime.com and www.signingtime.ca
Through December 31, 2010 use Coupon Code: coleman

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Yes, my sister Emilie just had her third child, a baby girl, six weeks ago… still nameless… I know. Get over it. She almost has a name. But, I already blogged about that.

This… this… I haven’t ever blogged about.

You see… well, now I have an announcement to make…

Some of you may want to sit down for this one.

No. I mean it.

Sit down.

I have a third child as well… and it’s a girl!

But, before you start mailing pink baby outfits and headbands with big flowers on them… I suggest you keep reading this post.

Oh Heaven’s… where to start? Ummm, ok, so you know how on my CD “Shine” there’s that song “Nobody Would Know”? and in the liner notes it talks about how that was the very first song that I ever wrote and that I wrote it when I was 17 years-old? And some of you had written to me and wondered how it could be that I would write a song like that BEFORE having my children Leah and Lucy. Some of you listened to a certain line in that song and thought… “Wait a minute!!! Could it be?” But then you know that I share a lot. I share the good, the bad, and the awkward and you convinced yourself that something THAT big, would’ve been shared by now.

So, here’s the thing. The truth is… I don’t share everything. Especially when it might impact someone else’s privacy, their life, and their choices. I don’t share it, even if it’s indescribably intertwined with my life, my experiences, and totally shaped who I am and why I care about the things I care about. Vague enough for you? Well cut me some slack. This isn’t easy folks.

The day after this past Mother’s Day, I sat down to my desk after getting Lucy out the door and on the bus to school. I opened my computer, opened Facebook and collapsed on my keyboard in helpless sobs as I saw a message that I had waited more than eighteen years to receive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Facebook Private Message
Laura S. May 9 at 4:53pm
Happy Mother’s Day You’re always in my prayers and in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aaron walked in and seeing my state asked, “Ray? What happened?”
“LOOK!!!” I could barely speak, the message may have been short but it was enough to level me emotionally and immediately, “IT’S… IT’S TODAY!” Aaron looked at my screen and started crying too. We hugged each other and sobbed and laughed and sobbed some more in happy disbelief.

Aaron had waited 15 years for this moment. I had told him on our very first date about the baby girl I had placed for adoption. He hadn’t even blinked when I told him. It wasn’t something he fought to deal with or accept. He just told me about his very close friends who had gone through the same thing and he told me how much respect he had for anyone who could give their child to someone else. Through the years Aaron has held me as I cried on my baby’s birthday, on Mother’s Day and the countless other times I found myself mourning the loss of my very first baby girl. I had only held her in my arms for three days, but my heart has never let her go.

I messaged her back as quickly as I could type.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rachel de Azevedo-Coleman May 10 at 8:41am
You just made the last 18 years of my life!
I don’t think you can possibly fathom how much I adore you. How much I have missed you.
How much I love you!
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I could hardly function that day as I waited for her response. I had a news interview that day about running the Salt Lake Half-Marathon and honestly I didn’t even shower before the news crew arrived. I was glued to my computer screen waiting to see what words she might grace me with next. Words I had waited almost 2 decades to read.

The previous day, Mother’s Day, I had started crying as we drove from the luncheon with my mom, to dinner with Aaron’s mom. We were in the car around 5:00pm. “What is she waiting for?” Tears streamed down my cheeks. “I mean… it’s not like I really thought she was going to show up on my front porch the day she turned 18, but I guess I didn’t realize how that date… how that was the date I was living for… I don’t know. I always imagined that I would be at her high school graduation… What is she waiting for?”

I can’t tell you how many times, since 1992, I had calculated how old I would be in 2010. Especially in the beginning, when I’d wake in the middle of the night hearing the echo of my baby’s cries in my head, I just needed a goal. I thought if I could hold on until then… it would be okay. February 2010 was my “finish line.” But, her 18th birthday had already come and gone. Leah, Lucy, Aaron and I had celebrated by going out to dinner and we had cupcakes.
I’ve celebrated her birthday every year.

“Mommy,” four-year-old Leah signed to me enthusiastically, “I’m your first baby. Lucy is your second baby. I’m the oldest!”

“Nope. Remember?” I pointed to the smiling baby pictured in the gold, sun-shaped frame on the mantel. “She’s my first baby. You are my second baby and Lucy is my third baby.”

“Oh! I forgot!” Which sounded like “Oh I-per-dot.”
Leah and Lucy grew up seeing the baby on the mantel smiling down on them.

“Mom, I hate this!” Twelve-year-old Leah threw herself down on my bed in tears. “I hate that I have a big sister, but I don’t have a big sister! I really need one right now! I don’t understand how you were ‘too young’ to keep her, but only four years later you were suddenly old enough to have and keep me!”

When I was seventeen I really did believe that nobody would know or really understand how much I hurt and how much I suffered. I guess I was too young to imagine that my future children would inherit the pain and that they would share my loss.

After Mother’s Day dinner with Aaron’s family, we came home, put the girls to bed and watched a movie. My phone had died at some point that day. I went to bed with no idea that while I was crying in the car, my oldest daughter had already reached out to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laura S. May 10 at 2:11pm
I think it’s been 18 years too long. I should have made contact sooner. I love and miss you and my little sisters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Each message started a new wave of tears. “She said ‘my little sisters’” Aaron cried, “she didn’t call them her half-sisters.”

In the world of adoption, I think we all just want to be wanted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rachel de Azevedo-Coleman May 10 at 5:21pm
Laura,
We are ready when you are.

I haven’t told Leah and Lucy yet because they would both be sitting in the car waiting to drive down to meet you.

Lucy has said if she ever got a wish from “Make A Wish” she would only wish to meet you.

I have a million things I want to tell you and there are a million things I want to know. I want to hear all of your stories. I want to hear you sing. I want to see you perform. I’m nervous and thrilled and I don’t want to mess anything up. I’m afraid of disappointing you. I’m afraid of overwhelming you. AND I’m supposed to be a grown up here!

Mostly I’m afraid I’ll wake up just like all the other times I’ve been this close… I’ll wake up and find it’s just another dream.
~R

PS- you are just so beautiful!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could say I have been more than a little distracted over the past six months. Now you know why. I mean, you would be distracted too if your wildest dream had just come true.

My heart is healed.

The happiest day of my life was the day I got to see my “baby” again

My Three Girls

Laura’s High School Graduation

Receiving the Heroes Among Us Award

Can I Be Your Hopkins?
Are You Serious?

Here’s To 18 Years of Laughter

“So, are you going to tell your Signing Time fans?”

“Of course I am… I’m just trying to figure out how. I mean… I think people’s heads are gonna spin!”

“Yeah, I bet you probably don’t want them to know that you had a baby when you were 17.”

“WHAT? That is not it at all. Laura, look at me. I am not embarrassed or ashamed. You are not a secret! I don’t care what anyone thinks! I’ve been waiting for you for… your whole life! I am so happy I want to shout it from the rooftops! I love you! We love you! And you know what?


They are gonna love you too!”

A little while later Alex came home from school. I asked him if I could share his essay with all of you.

I share a lot of what goes on behind the Signing Time scenes and in our day-to-day lives, but as much as I wanted to share our loss over the past three years, it wasn’t mine to share.
Are you shocked… you don’t know everything?

So… since Alex gave his permission… today my Guest Blogger is my nephew, Alex Brown.
(Kei Malone grab a tissue. You have been warned!)

Don’t Give Up Hope
~Alex Brown

When I was four years old, I was on my way back to my house. I got out of my grandparents’ car. I ran as fast as my little legs would carry me. MY MOM HAD A BABY! I was so excited I managed to push all the midwives out of the way and smacked the doorframe at top speed. I got back up and ran. I didn’t care. I was a big brother! I came in and my new little brother, who still wouldn’t be named for weeks to come, was laying asleep on the same blanket that to this day is still his favorite blanket. I am not kidding, he was literally a square. He was short and fat. He was sleeping right next to my mom, who was almost sleeping.

Now when Zach (that’s what we named my little brother after a couple of weeks) was four years old, my parents tried having another baby. Everything was going well. The baby (which later turned out to be a she) was moving and was healthy. Then we got into the second trimester. Everything was going well. Then at her twenty week ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. Somewhere around sixteen weeks, its heart stopped beating. It was a tragedy. My whole family was crying for weeks. We couldn’t believe it. Two babies and nothing went wrong, now one died. The doctors could not find a solution. It was as if the baby just up and died. A couple of weeks later, we decided to get on with our lives. We had fun, but no one could stop thinking about the baby.

Two years went by. We still couldn’t stop thinking about the baby that died. Finally, my mom was pregnant again. We were all excited. Everything was fine. The heart was beating, it was healthy, and nothing was wrong. Finally, we made it into the second trimester. Again the heart was beating, it was healthy, and nothing was wrong. We passed sixteen weeks. We were all a little paranoid. My mom went for her eighteen week checkup and it happened again. Its heart had stopped beating. Again, no reason for it, it just up and died. We cried for a few months this time. The doctors could find no explanation. We had to get on with our lives for real this time.

Nine months later my mom surprised us all. She was pregnant again! Everyone was amazed. Then we all thought, “Third time’s a charm.”
We made it into the second trimester. Everything was the same. She was healthy, she was moving, and nothing seemed wrong. As my mom went in for her checkup, every one was holding their breath thinking “third time’s a charm. . . third time’s a charm. . . third time’s a charm. . .” She called. When she shared the news we all gasped, only this time in excitement. The baby was alive!

Everything was fine. The heart was beating, it was healthy, and soon my mom could feel her kicking. Lucy, my ten-year-old cousin with spina bifida, said “can I feel?” she wanted to feel her kick. Doubtingly, my mom put Lucy’s hand on her stomach. Almost at once, the baby donkey-kicked her hand! They both screamed, startled and excitedly at the same time.

Later my mom was diagnosed with gestational diabetes; a disease that women sometimes develop during pregnancy. She had to be careful of her blood sugar. We were in the third trimester. We could actually feel her kicking now, and not just soft taps, they were to the point where they were donkey-kicks every time!

I finally started seventh grade. I now have to get up at six thirty every morning just to make it to jazz band. On September twentieth, my mom was having contractions. She went to the hospital while I went to sleep. I got a call at 6:15 in the morning from my mom. We had a baby girl! The baby is now about two weeks old. She happens to be crying next to me right now as I finish this essay.

So, in the end, I learned never to give up hope. If we had, I wouldn’t have his adorable little sister. Also, I learned that sometimes things don’t go the way you planned, but they turn out right in the end. Last I learned that good things come in small packages. Wait, I smell something. WOAH! I guess not all small packages have good things. . . take this dirty diaper for example. Now excuse me while I grab some baby wipes.

I would write this…

Our experience raising Leah is not typical, not typical at all. I dare say, we have successfully raised a deaf, bilingual child.

We did it in a school environment that called us “crazy.” In Leah’s Individual Education Program (IEP), where she transitioned from Early Intervention to preschool, we were asked,

“Why do you want ASL? No one else wants ASL.”

I didn’t care what the district said, because really, we had nothing… or was it everything, to lose.

The Parent Infant Program representatives from the state agencies told us that our child would graduate from high school with a third grade reading level. Then we asked them,

“Why do you believe that a child who cannot hear does not have the ability to learn?”

We asked them,

“What are you doing wrong? What is wrong with the education of deaf children in America?”

These questions kept us awake at night. Why on earth was it acceptable that generations of deaf children were being failed by the only school systems available for them to attend? It became VERY, VERY clear that we could not and would not entrust our toddler’s education to such an admittedly broken system. They could guarantee that after TWELVE years of schooling Leah would have broken English and at age 18 she would be able to read like an 8 year old. They would not prepare her to compete with her hearing peers heading to college and into the work force.

The solution offered was an embarrassment and I imagined what the reaction to that statement would be if it was said about any other group of individuals… Take a deep breath and try out the following~

“I’m sorry, your child is black. They will graduate from high school with a third grade reading level.”

“I’m sorry to tell you that you can expect your child to graduate from high school with a third grade reading level because she’s a girl.”

Go ahead and fill in the blank- “Hispanic” “gay” “has blue eyes” “short”… fill in the blank!
ANY of those statements would be met with riots! No one would swallow it as truth! No one would stand for it! It wouldn’t just be the parents up in arms, the entire community would fight for those children!

Imagine that your state-funded school had the balls to say that about ANY child!! These are your tax dollars at work.

Now, my friends, let it sink in that this is the reality for parents just like me. The Utah School for the Deaf and Blind said, “statistically you can expect Leah to graduate from high school with a third grade reading level.” Parents of deaf children have been hearing that sickening statistic for years and not just in Utah- this is a nationwide epidemic. The worst part is… parents believe it! They look at their little deaf child and believe that their potential is limited because some stranger from a state organization says so.

Where is the class action lawsuit?

Every child with a disability is guaranteed a “free and appropriate education”.

This conversation should make you feel sick.
It should make you angry.
It should be on the local and national news repeatedly until it is resolved!

For some reason, Aaron and I didn’t believe them. Instead we believed that we could offer Leah something much better than that. We would do it. We didn’t know how, but we knew that she was deaf, not stupid.

We sought out deaf adults and found many who had college degrees and PhDs!! Proof that a deaf person could succeed academically! Most of these deaf adults had deaf parents. Their parents had never struggled to accept that their child was deaf. These deaf children were in a signing environment from day one. We asked deaf adults for their advice on raising our deaf child. We asked them because they had lived the life that we wanted Leah to live… a life without limits. We followed their advice. We looked to the Deaf Community as our compass. They told us that Leah’s first language should be American Sign Language. They said that once Leah had a solid first language (ASL), we could then teach her English through reading and writing.
Finally something that made sense!

We were excited to share this breakthrough with the Early Intervention team, with the School District, with all of those people who could make a difference for every deaf child. We told them what we had learned and what we wanted for our child and why we believed it would work. They looked at us like we were crazy. They told us we needed to pick a program that they offered, they weren’t going to make up a new program just for Leah Coleman. It was such a slap in the face to have them simply re-offer their broken system, since that was all they had.

We visited every preschool in their system. We drove hundreds of miles to do so. We were looking for a teacher, the right teacher. At each school we saw the same sad scenario, the deaf children did not have free, expressive conversations, they were signing by rote.

Each time we met the teacher they would ask, “What’s her name?”
I responded, “Ask her.”
“NO! Don’t tell me she can…” and they would turn to Leah, asking her in sign, “What’s your name?”
Leah responded by fingerspelling her name “L-E-A-H” and then showed them her Name Sign.
The teachers, one after another were stunned.
“How old is she?” They asked me.
I rolled my eyes. “Ask her.”
“NO!!!” They turned excitedly and asked Leah, “How old are you?”
Leah smiled “I’m two-years-old almost 3. I’ll be 3 in December.”

It was as if they had just discovered a new species. They were fascinated by her. Then they would then sit down with Leah and ask her everything they could think of. Leah chatted on and on about this and that, her favorite colors, foods and the people in her life. The teachers were completely engaged.

And every visit ended with them saying, “We really would love to have her in our class. She would be such a great language role model for the other children!”

It was nice that everyone wanted Leah, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach.
A nagging question.

Who would be Leah’s role model?”

There was no ASL classroom and so we created one. We chose a deaf teacher and then we wrote into Leah’s Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that she needed to be in a language rich environment, one where she had access to acquire her natural language, ASL. It sounds simple, really and no one was opposed to writing that in to her IEP… BUT… when we explained that ASL is a visual language and it requires two fluent signers in a room for a child to have natural language acquisition, the team was a little perplexed. See, that is how we were able to get Leah a one-on-one aide. Her aide was fluent in ASL and the teacher that we chose was deaf. Now there were two signers in the class and our child actually had an appropriate and effective language model.

In school Leah could not communicate with her peers. They stared at her blankly as she signed on and on about this and that. Then she started coming home signing like them. I was horrified! All of our hard work seemed to be dissolving right before my eyes! I asked, “What did you do today at school?” Leah would respond in a repetitive, almost robotic way, “BIKE-BIKE-BIKE” she signed, not making eye contact with me. Then “EAT-EAT-EAT” “PLAY-PLAY.”
“Leah. Leah. Look at me. What did you do at school today? I’m asking a real question.” Every day the same answers by rote. She would sign like that for about an hour and then finally ease back into being the expressive, happy kid we knew and loved.

We went to the school and visited the older grades. K-4 we saw the same thing. As I looked at the projects and work displayed on the walls in each classroom, it was obvious to me that these children were not doing grade appropriate work. As far as language level, Leah was testing at the level of the deaf 4th graders, but she was only three-years-old. We couldn’t put her in with nine-year-old.

We also created a Deaf Mentor program for Leah. Leah had a Deaf Mentor when we lived in Utah, a wonderful woman named Diane would come to our home each week and teach us ASL. There was no such program when we moved to Los Angeles. Luckily it was in her Individualized Family Service Plan(IFSP) and so we continued it. We were told that it would be up to us to find the deaf adult. We agreed. We found a deaf man who was a teacher working for our school system. That made it easy for them to pay him. John came to our home once a week for an hour and we turned our voices off and just signed.

People always ask us how we did it. How we were able to smash the statistics. How Leah can comfortably identify herself as hearing and as deaf. The above is just one piece of that puzzle. We knew that Leah’s success was ultimately up to us. We couldn’t even pretend that the current school system would carry her. We took on her education and success as our own responsibility.

Most importantly Aaron and I saw Leah as a wonderful little girl with a bright and limitless future. We saw her as all of that even when so many others… so many “professionals” only saw her as a deaf kid.